Diary of a Soldier
by PassionatelyHiddlestoned
Summary: Captain James Nicholls keeps a journal to record his experiences in World War 1. T for war violence.
1. March 16, 1914

_March 16__th__, 1914 _

I have decided to keep a journal of my experiences in the war that has begun between Germany and England. Allow me to introduce myself, I'm James Nicholls, and I have been appointed a Captain.

I volunteered for service in the army, as I come from a rich family with everything passed down to me, but I believe that every man who is capable of fighting should stand for their country and protect the innocent. So here I am, 28 years old, and going into war.

When I was a boy, I would think about war quite a lot, wonder what it was like. I found it quite interesting… As battle goes on I might be forced to question those ideals.

Today was the day the war started. People running about the streets of town, some patriotic and some distressed, worried for their loved ones. I have no family to weep for me. My father died when I was four years old serving in the line of duty, and my mother died when I turned 15. At least she was able to see me grow. I wish she could see me now, grown into a fine young man… I want to be able to make someone proud.

All I have for kinship and company is my fellow soldiers, serving in the same squadron as I, by the names of Charlie Waverly, who is a lieutenant, and my superior, Major Jamie Stewart. We met in the line to initiation, where Charlie was standing after being drafted, and Jamie was accepting everyone into the army. He has been with the army before, but never in battle.

Charlie is a tad younger than I am, and Jamie is slightly older. We have become good chums.

When all the men and horses were assembled, it was time to embark on our travel cross fields to our camps, where we keep the horses, and eat and sleep. I have never been to one, and am anxious to see what it looks like. As I write, I am sitting in the coach being pulled toward our destination, being waved and applauded by the people of the town, wishing us luck and seeing us off.

There's cheering, and music to be heard trumpeting through the air. I will raise my fist to show patriotism, and wave in a thank you to the people. I am looking out into the crowd of supporters, and yet I see none of my relation. Jamie recognized this, and comforted me.

I am lucky to have found friends in the army; one of my biggest fears was being alone. Not as though I am a stranger to solitude, but in circumstances as these, it's nice to have amiable company.

Something that happened today in the village gave me a terrible feeling. I felt so conflicted, but I knew what I had to do. When I was finding my mount for battle, I came across a beautiful chestnut brown steed by the name of 'Joey,' and the old man who was selling him said he was in perfect health.

He was selling for 30 ginneys, and I eventually agreed to the deal, but it was all I had in my pocket at the time.

Then, out of nowhere, a boy came running up and grabbed a hold of Joey. He turned to the man, with tears in his eyes, and begging him not to sell Joey. I interrupted.

I had said, 'Excuse me, lad, but I'm afraid it's too late. I just paid 30 ginneys for him!" To this the boy looked at me with pleading eyes. "He won't be any good in the war, sir, he shies at every sound!" he had said in a cockney accent.

I looked down, and had insisted upon the horses service. The boy straightened up. "Well, then, if Joey's going, so am I," he had said. This stabbed at my heart with the pain of this boys love for his horse. 'I see, what's your name, lad?" And he had hastily replied Albert, and informed me that he was 19.

He looked about 16 to me, and I found that hard to believe, so I asked if that was the truth. He confessed that he wasn't 19 yet, but was just as capable to fight as most 19 year olds. I shook my head to this. I didn't doubt his qualifications, but the law clearly stated the proper age for soldiering, and I am a stickler for the law.

I felt horrible about what I had to do, but I promised him that I would take care of Joey, respect him, and possibly one day, return him. I hope with all my heart that I can.


	2. March 17th, 1914

_March 17__th__, 1914 _

The camp is strangely luxurious. I had imagined something like tents, but we have lovely living quarters.

We have settled our things in, and the horses have been put into their stables. I can't stop thinking about Joey. The stable boys are treating him well, but Sergeant Perkins is being a little rough. I try to save Joey from the grip of him whenever I can.

I do hope Albert is dealing with Joey's absence well, even though I doubt it. I plan to write to him, and let him know how Joey's doing. Joey's been quiet since we arrived, a few struggles here and there, but to be expected.

Later today, there will be some drills and practices for battle, and I am required to attend, since I am a Captain. Jamie will be leading it.

I feel in my element here, like I was meant to be in the army. I intend to defend my country until the end.

* * *

The drills went well, just army marches and recitations to be memorized. We have a fine bunch of young men serving alongside us, which is an empowering thought at the least.

Tonight we have leisure time, and I plan to read my book I brought along. I read in my spare a lot, as well as sketch. When I was younger, my parents thought I was going to be an artist when I started to draw from such a young age… but at school I was discouraged from it by my teachers and encouraged to go into something a little more prominent, such as business or law.

None of those things interested me, but I wanted to get a high level of education so I took many different studies up through university. The money left to me by my parents in their will paid for that.

But I still draw whenever I get the chance, as it calms me, reassures me when I begin to feel even the slightest self pity. I am very fortunate, and it is a huge privilege to be serving here now.

* * *

My bunkmate is Charlie, and we have stayed up most of the night talking about our lives, sharing our backstories and such. He told me has a child, a boy who just reached his 3rd birthday. He wants to go home to him very badly indeed, and I will include that in my prayers.

I cannot fall asleep, my mind will not stop thinking, whether it be about the horse, about the war…

I must get some sleep to be able to perform to my fullest tomorrow with more drills, so I should go to bed now.


	3. March 20th, 1914

_March 20__th__, 1914 _

It has been a few days of drills, and I am getting used to my surroundings. We have received word that informed us where the Germans have set up camp, and Jamie is thinking of some way to use that to our advantage.

I visited Joey today after the horses had finished their few hours of training, and he seemed well. I could tell he missed his owner, but I made sure he was comfortable. I groomed him myself instead of leaving it to the stable boy, as I spoke kind words in his ear. I know how he feels.

I decided to take him for a jaunt around the premises, just to get used to the feel of him, and we fit quite nicely. He is a fast one, I must say! Jamie joined me with his horse, a jet black steed. We talked as we rode, of fighting, of life, of anything, really.

He understood what it was like to be new to the army, and told me stories of when he was just 19 and serving. We joked together, and laughed together, and by the end of the day, we knew each other very well.

I'm going to write another letter to Albert now telling him about Joey's health and progress. I suppose he'll miss him less if he hears of him often. Maybe I'll include the drawing of Joey I did earlier.

Jamie thinks it's interesting that I sketch, and came across me drawing Joey. He asked about it, and I told him it was to show the boy I had bought my horse from how beautiful he's looking. Charlie and Jamie had both complimented me on my skill, which is very humbling. Maybe when the war's over and I get discharged, I'll become an artist.

Yes, I have all my education and knowledge… but my passion is drawing. I know if my mother was still alive, she would want me to follow what I know is right.

* * *

I can't fall asleep again. I presume it's the new environment I'm in, the thought of what's going to happen… war is an intimidating thing. I worry for Joey sometimes at night… many of the soldiers in this army would think me soft if they knew how much I cared for this horse. All I wish is too return him safely back to Albert.

But I also worry for my comrades… and myself. But I mustn't be selfish, now. I need to remind myself that our deeds are making even the slightest difference in the freedom of our great land, the freedom our people deserve. So why can't that thought shake loose this weighting feeling I have in my stomach?

Off to bed I suppose… try to sleep. I'll probably lie awake for a couple more hours, but at least I can say that I tried.

* * *

It's early, 3:00 in the morning, I think. As I was drifting off to sleep, a gunshot woke us up. Jamie came flying into the tent, and beckoned for Charlie and me to follow. He informed us that there had been a rogue gunman from the German camp that had come without orders, but we got rid of him. All is well now, and I am back into my bed. Now, to try and fall asleep once more…


	4. March 22nd, 1914

_March 22__nd__, 1914_

Well, I've been here for a full week now, and every day is a routine. Wake up at 4 am, drills, horse riding, and usually leisure time after that, which I spend sketching or reading. My book is a ghost story about an old castle in Scotland haunted by the evil grandfather of the current resident. It gives me much enjoyment, mostly my only enjoyment right now.

Today, we are to practice our charge. Jamie has finally come to the conclusion that we will attack the German camp, catch them off guard early in the morning. He and I will be leading the charge, which puts me under a lot of pressure, but I am honored that he has chosen me to call out the orders for such a prominent thing.

* * *

We have returned from the practice charge, and it went very well. Jamie's horse was supposed to be the swiftest of all, but Joey overtook him and I retrieved the ring from the end of the field. I am very proud of him. I was unsure before how he would react in a fast paced environment with other horses… but I do recall Albert's father saying he rides well. That he did.

Though it was all fun and games today with our little race to prove who was the fastest, it served as a reminder to me the day of our infiltration is fast approaching. Though it is not full war, it is my first time into battle, and I have become quite nervous. I don't want Joey to get hurt, and I want to be able to continue on and see England prevail. I want to be there to witness it, and there to help make it happen.

But I try to push thoughts like those out of my head. Optimism is in my nature, has been since boyhood. And I suppose, optimism is my only option now. That, and extensive preparation. Speaking of which, the horn has just sounded for the next practice run for sword positioning. After that I think I'll visit Joey again.

* * *

The drills went well, as usual. No more incidents since last night, or rather, this morning with rogue soldier attacks.

Charlie bought a new military hat, and it's quite a high quality piece of uniform. He joked that possibly the Germans would notice the hat, and reconsider their attack due to the sheer handsomeness of our army. I found that quite amusing, and retorted that on the contrary, the Germans might notice the hat and decide they wanted it, and would kill to get it. Charlie thought about this, then tossed the hat away, which made me grin.

I do hope Charlie is alright through it all. His son needs a father to grow up alongside, and I can tell Charlie would be a fit one indeed. Thinking about his family makes me wonder sometimes what it would be like to have the pleasure of a wife…. To have a child. Maybe someday, in the future, when England was in a better time. Nothing would delight me more than to have children to raise, pass on my experiences, to tell them stories of the war, show them this journal even! And maybe one day, when my wife and I have grown old together, I will tell my grandchildren of this very charge, and how England won the war.

A man can dream can't he? My teacher had said this would be the downfall of me… my imagination. Maybe she's right. But I see no shame in smiling at what could be when there's nothing to smile at in the present.

* * *

It is late evening now, and I just woke up from a nap. I fell asleep in the midst of reading, I have just about finished my book. It's a very captivating story, I can't wait to see what happens next.

But whenever I fall asleep now, I have nightmares of going into battle. All I can see is this one gun, locked onto me, only me. And there's nothing I can do but watch silently as the bullet comes rushing toward me….

That's when I always wake up in a cold sweat. It frightens me to think about it… But I know there is no stopping it. The day will come, and I will have to face it. At least I will face it alongside my valued comrades.

I seem to have a nightly routine as well as a daytime routine now. I still can't sleep. I think it's mostly the nightmares keeping me up, but I won't get up in fear of waking Charlie. At least my lack of rest isn't affecting my performance on the field.

My bare chest is moist from sweat. It's raining outside, and I am worrying far too much. Whenever I close my eyes, I can see the gun. I have to keep telling myself it's a dream, and stay optimistic. I would give anything for a stiff drink right now, but I know it's against the rules to drink on duty, so I am refraining.

I am now going to turn out the light, and try again to go to sleep. This time, I'm determined to dream of my future family, my children and my wife, us all sitting by the fire and having a good time together…. Yes, I like that thought. Goodnight.


	5. March 23rd, 1914

_March 23__rd__, 1914 _

Today we have hardly anything on schedule, only our regular drills and the regular horse training. I see Joey has adjusted to his surroundings a little more now, and I have made a point to groom him myself and talk to him a little more often. I still send a letter every once in a while to Albert to update him on Joey.

I took Joey out for a ride, and now that I'm back at camp, I'm sitting in the sun writing in this. I must admit, I'm rather jittery, but I still stand straight as a Captain should among his fellow officers.

* * *

There's been another attack on our camp by the Germans. Two sergeants were killed, and we are all in mourning. We eventually got a hold of the runaways, this time more than one, and they paid for their actions with their lives. But we are weary in case of another.

It looks like I won't have any time today to finish my book. That's alright; I'll finish it tomorrow then. I have done a few more sketches, some of the landscape, some of the horses.

It's late afternoon now, and the weather is nice, for this time of year. I'm starting to get tired, so I think I'll turn in early, since it seems I only sleep well during the day now.

* * *

I was awakened an hour ago by Jamie, and Charlie woke up as well. He hadn't come to alert us on conflict or German activity- he came bearing something very different.

He came in, sat down, and took out a bottle of aged scotch. Charlie immediately grinned, and I wanted to as well but as fore mentioned, rules are everything for me.

'We're not allowed to drink on duty!' I had reminded him with a smile playing at my lips, but he just waved me off, and said 'I make the rules around here, Jim, no need to worry.'

He knew how nerve-racking it is the night before the first charge of war, and he could sense the tension in the room when he pulled out the cork of the bottle. He told us that all we had to do tomorrow was hold our heads high, and stay strong and proud. I admire him, for he is a great soldier, and an even greater man.

As I felt the smooth liquid roll over my tongue, my body immediately relaxed. It had been so long since I had had anything like that, and it was nice. It tasted bitter, yet sweet. We all talked for the better part of the night, which helped our nerves.

Now that everyone has gone to bed, I'm still awake. I am incredibly scared for tomorrow morning. I feel like a helpless boy who's lost his mum in a shop. But there's no turning back now.

I have decided to ride into battle tomorrow doing just as Jamie had said. I will be strong and brave, remembering one thing: If I die, I die in honour. I will be remembered as a brave soldier who fought for his country. But I don't intend to die tomorrow.

Although none do, do they?


	6. March 24th, 1914

_March 24__th__, 1914 _

It's morning. Today is the charge. I don't have much time to write, but I just wanted to say, it makes me proud to be a part of the defence of England. I have met two great friends in my experiences here, and will have many great stories to share with my family.

I am scared, nervous, excited, and jumpy all at once. I can't settle down or sit still, so I took to petting Joey earlier and reading. I am rather looking forward to finishing off my book later, it will be interesting to see how it turns out. But right now, I can't stop thinking about my dream. My hand is shaking as I write this, recalling the memory of it. But I've got to keep my hopes up, and take it as but a fear.

We are being called to mount our horses, and get into position to make the travel to the German camp. We plan to hide in the grass until they are up and about, where we can kill as many as we can. It's time to leave now, and I shall leave this journal on top of my bed, where I can share what my first charge was like when I get back this afternoon.

As I'm getting dressed in my green uniform and putting on my cap, I can hear Jamie's words outside.

Be brave.

Be brave.

Be brave.

And that is what I intend to do.


End file.
